Dolphins and Dogs
by dakeyras
Summary: Iruka Umino meets a Chunin who breaks apart the regularity and monotony of his life. He quite likes it, he finds. IruHana one-shot. A longer, smutty version is on AO3.


Iruka looked at what he'd come to consider 'his' bench. It was tucked away in a quiet corner of the park nearest to the Academy, and he ate lunch there whenever he wasn't supervising someone – usually Naruto – during detention. There were low branches that spread plenty of shade, even during midsummer, and a protective curve of hedge that sheltered it from passersby. He considered it the best place in all of Konoha to relax and unwind for forty to fifty minutes.

There was someone sitting on his bench.

He recognised her, vaguely, as a girl who was a few years younger than him at the Academy. She was wearing a chunin vest and had red tattoos on her cheeks. Before he could turn and find another, lesser, spot she looked up, saw him and waved him over.

"Hey," she said. "You usually sit here at lunch, right?"

He nodded, a bit embarrassed about his predictable schedule. "Yeah, it's a nice spot, don't you think?"

She smiled, and he was struck by how pretty she looked, with her brown hair framing her kind face. "It's very peaceful. I'm Hana Inuzuka, by the way. The other benches are full, so I figured there was space for two."

"Of course, yeah. I'm Iruka Umino, by the way." Iruka sat down next to her and pulled out his lunch. She already had a half-eaten sandwich in one hand. They ate in silence for a few minutes, and he almost forgot there was another person there as he enjoyed the peace and calm.

"So, how was your day so far?" Hana asked him as he finished his apple. He sighed and stretched before answering.

"Mostly decent, but I have this one student who's a bit of a troublemaker. He's been quite disruptive so far. At least I have another," he checked his watch, "twenty minutes before I have to get back."

She kicked her heels against the bench. "I've got nothing to do until this afternoon. My team is heading out on a mission, but my dogs needed some medical treatment first. They're at the vet's at the moment, but I'm not allowed in there while they're treating them."

"That's ruff," Iruka said, unable to help himself. "Do you have anything to keep you busy, at least?"

Hana shook her head, apparently not noticing the pun. "Apart from eating lunch, no. And now talking to you, I guess."

He knew he shouldn't ask her about the mission, in case it was classified, so he considered other topics of conversation. It was hard; he'd never been good at small talk. "Tell me about your dogs," he prompted.

He soon wished he hadn't. Hana told him more about her dogs than he'd ever need – or want – to know. There were three of them, called the Haimaru brothers, and from what he could tell they were pretty much interchangable (although he knew better than to mention this). She knew incredible amounts about their appearances, diets, behaviours, and he wouldn't be surprised if she started describing individual hairs in their fur next.

And then, finally, she stopped and laughed. "Sorry. I get a bit carried away sometimes when I talk about them. They're just..."

Iruka quickly interrupted. "It's fine. They're clearly very important to you, after all. Everyone needs someone they value in their life." Whoops. That last part had come out a little bit more pretentious-sounding than he'd intended, but Hana seemed impressed anyway.

"...You're right." She nodded once, then again, this time more sure of herself. "You're absolutely right. But I feel like I owe you the chance to monologue at me about something you care about, now."

Iruka smiled. "I'm sure you'd be very bored."

"Well, how about you start talking, and I'll let you know when you start boring me," Hana countered. Her tattoos, Iruka was starting to find, drew attention to her high cheekbones. He noticed where his eyes were roaming and quickly started talking, turning to face forwards for a moment. He struck a pose as though he was about to teach a class.

"Fair enough. So there's this really interesting thing that happens when you mix yin and yang chakra in the right proportions but with an opposite spin...and that's already enough for your eyes to glaze over!" Iruka chuckled, poking her in the side. "I swear I'm normally more engaging, though. I'm a teacher, after all."

They chatted for another few minutes before Iruka checked his watch again. "Shit! I'm gonna be late getting back to the Academy! See you later, Hana."

He leapt to his feet but she grabbed his hand as he was about to jump away. "I just wanted to say thanks. For calming me down. And..." Hana leaned up and kissed him.

"What was that for?" Iruka asked, flustered but pleased.

She smiled properly for the first time. "Luck, maybe. Or perhaps appreciation. Does it need a reason? Anyway, you'd better go."

"Right." And with that, Iruka leapt away, cheeks burning.

-O-

It was two days later and Iruka was fighting back – for what must have been the tenth time that day – the urge to track down Hana Inuzuka. He wasn't sure why. He'd only talked to her for a few short minutes, after all. Instead he went straight home from the Academy, stopping only to pick up some groceries.

"Punctual as ever," the old woman running the fruit and vegetable stand greeted him. "How's the next generation of Konoha ninja coming along?"

"Just fine, ma'am, just fine," Iruka told her, smiling. "They're a smart lot for the most part, anyway, and they work hard with some encouragement."

She already had his order waiting, he realised. He paid and took the bags home. Three apples, a small bag of carrots, a cucumber, five tomatoes and two pounds of potatoes. The same order as last Thursday, and the one before that, stretching back for at least half a year now.

He thought of Hana again. She'd broken up his routine lunch, and he'd enjoyed it. _That_ was why he'd had a bounce in his step for the rest of the day. Something new, something unusual, something _interesting_ had happened. And he wanted it to happen again.

He dropped off his shopping and went out again, this time to a different fruit and vegetable stand. "Hello," he said to the middle-aged farmer helping a young mother with her shopping.

"I'll be with you in a minute," he said. Iruka waited for the lady to leave, then asked for the hottest chilli he could get. It was surprisingly cheap.

 _T_ _ime to_ _spice up my life_ _,_ he thought, and then chuckled at the accidental pun.

About halfway back to his apartment, he heard someone shout his name from behind. "Iruka! Oi, you deaf bastard!"

He was about to give her a piece of his mind when he recognised her. It was Hana again, and this time she had all three of her dogs with her. "What's up?" he called out. She was delightfully dishevelled, with her shirt and chunin vest riding up and showing a thin strip of very pale skin at her waist. His eyes were drawn to it against his will – not that he was trying very hard to resist.

"Fancy bumping into you here. What are the odds?" she asked. "I'm just on a walk – my mum's always really fussy after I get back from a mission, so I need a bit of space. We'll both have calmed down in a few hours, I reckon."

"I'm about to cook dinner," Iruka offered. "Have you eaten yet?"

He'd never usually be so bold, but he really didn't want another boring evening alone in his apartment, and she'd been good company last time they talked. _And,_ he thought, _it's been a_ long _time since you've spent time with a pretty girl_. Hana thought it over for a moment, then nodded. "Sure, sounds good. What are you making?"

He blushed a bit. "Just ramen with fresh vegetables."

"Oh, you can cook?"

"Kind of? Like, simple stuff mostly."

"Neat." And apparently that was all she had to say on the subject.

"Did your mission go well?" Iruka asked, for lack of a better question.

She shrugged. "It went alright, I guess. A bit boring. This is your place, right?" She gestured to the block of flats they'd stopped in front of.

He nodded. "How did you know?"

Hana tapped her nose, winking. _Of course; she's a tracker, after all._

They both noticed the problem at the same moment – the large 'No Pets Allowed' sign outside the front door.

"Damn, I forgot–"

"Not to worry. Oi, you three. Stay nearby, but you can run around a bit," Hana commanded her dogs.

Iruka held the door for her, then led her up to his apartment. "It's not that great, but I keep it mostly tidy," he said, nervous. It'd been a while since anyone had visited, and he was grateful for once that he compulsively cleaned it every weekend.

"I live with half a dozen dogs and a teenage brother," Hana said, laughing. "Anything that doesn't have hair on every surface is an improvement."

Iruka opened the door to his flat. He skimmed over everything quickly, checking to make sure there wasn't anything embarrassing lying out in the open. The green carpet was fairly clean, there wasn't any laundry on the floor, and his books were all neatly on the shelf. His guitar was stood in the corner next to the doors to the kitchen, bathroom and bedroom. Everything seemed in order.

"Well, come in," he said. "I'm just gonna prepare the food; it shouldn't take more than twenty minutes."

Hana looked around the room. "I'm just gonna sit down for a bit, then."

Iruka propped the kitchen door open with a wedge, so he could hold a conversation while he cut the vegetables and set the water to boiling. "Tired?" he asked.

"I've been more tired before, but I wouldn't want to go for a run or anything right now. Hey, do you play guitar?"

"From time to time. I'm not that good, but I can hold a tune if I try."

"You'll have to show me something after dinner," Hana said.

Iruka dropped a pile of chopped vegetables into the boiling water. "By the way, do you like spicy food?"

"It's not the best, to be honest. My nose is super sensitive so I'd rather avoid it, but I can manage if necessary," she replied.

He set the chilli aside for another day. The fresh ramen from the fridge went in next. "Did you go to the harvest festival last year?" he asked.

She nodded, and he smiled. "I was one of the background singers for the big dance at the end." It sounded slightly more boastful than he'd intended, but she seemed impressed. He stirred the pot, slapping some fresh fish into a frying pan.

"Wow, that smells great!" Hana said. "You're a man of many talents, then?"

"Well, there's so much more I've never got around to doing," Iruka said. "And I don't get to leave the village much, since I'm teaching most of the time. I'd really like to just travel one day."

In what seemed like no time at all, the food was done and their conversation was stopped by the quiet sounds of eating that only happen when the food is excellent or the eaters are famished. In this case, it was a bit of both, Iruka thought. He was glad he hadn't accidentally burnt anything.

After they were done, he put the bowls away to soak and sprawled on his armchair. Hana was on the sofa, leaning back into the soft cushions. It did some very interesting things to her chest, he noticed.

"I never told you what mission I was on, right?" Hana asked. Iruka shook his head. "We had to track down and apprehend some drug smugglers. It was very successful, but having to track the smell of weed all day meant that when we finally caught up to them I did something a bit naughty. Do you promise not tell anyone?"

That last part was said in a hush, Iruka leaned in, mind whirling. "That depends on how 'naughty' it is."

She looked shocked. "Oh no, nothing _bad_! I just kept a sample of our take." She pulled out a small bag of what looked, at a distance, a lot like some of the dried herbs Iruka cooked with.

"Oh, right. Of course I won't tell anyone about something as small as _that_ ," he said. "In fact, I have a tiny bit stashed away myself, for when I have a particularly bad day."

"I prefer to use it to boost good days, myself," Hana said. "Speaking of, you wouldn't happen to have some rolling papers around?"

Less than five minutes after Iruka had half-suspected Hana of treason, the two of them were passing a blunt back and forth. The sofa was just slightly too small for two fully-grown ninja, so Hana had her feet up in his lap. Her expression pretty clearly said what she expected to happen next. Iruka realised right around the fourth or fifth puff that she'd probably planned her seduction since 'bumping into him', but he wasn't about to complain.

"So," she said. "About that guitar. Can you play me something?"

Iruka stretched out and managed to just grab the neck without having to get up. He swung it onto his lap, narrowly missing his head, and giggled. "Anyway, here's Wonderwall."

By the end of the first song, Hana was pressing her feet into his lap in a way that he quite enjoyed. By the end of the second song, she'd taken her chunin vest off and he'd done the same. Midway through the third song, he had to stop because she was nestled under his arm and he couldn't properly hold the guitar any more.

"You have a lovely voice," she said. Iruka smirked at her, lazily taking another drag of the spliff before setting it aside. She traced a finger over the scar on his face, gently following it from one side to the other.

"I know. You have a lovely mouth." He hid a wince as soon as he'd said it. _Really?_ he thought. _That's the best you can come up with?_ _'Lovely mouth?'_

"And what," she whispered in his ear, sending shivers down his spine, "are you gonna do about it?"

Rather than answering, he leant in and kissed her slowly. She tasted of ramen and weed and something fresh and green, like the forests around the village. It took them a few seconds to establish a rhythm, and then they picked up speed until they broke apart, gasping for air.

Iruka was hungry for more, and he could see it mirrored on Hana's face as well. "There's another room I haven't showed you yet," he said.

"Come on then, big boy," she said, slapping his ass as he picked her up. "Take me to this mysterious room. I hope it has a bed in it."

"I have good news for you," Iruka said, kicking the door to his bedroom open. He gently dropped her onto his mattress, then leant down over her, propping himself up with his arms. Their faces were inches apart. He could probably have counted the faint freckles on her face if he'd cared to.

Hana was blushing slightly, but her gaze was confident as it held his. "I know I'm very nice to look at, but I hope that's not all you're planning on doing."

"I like a woman who knows what she wants," Iruka rumbled, voice deeper than usual and rough with lust. He kissed her again, for just a few seconds, then pulled back. He trailed a string of light touches down her neck, walking his fingers along with little feather-steps. And then suddenly nipping at her neck, burying his nose in her hair. It smelled of dog, unsurprisingly, but also vaguely flowery. Overall, he quite appreciated it.

She squealed, throwing her head back. "Do that again," she demanded, and he eagerly complied. He was rough, just shy of drawing blood, as he nipped at her, and she writhed under him.

* * *

A/N: The full version of this story is on AO3 under the same name (if you can't find it, message me). There's basically just a bit of explicit smut, and no more story really. This was my submission to a friendly competition on a discord server. I picked the pairing because, let's be honest, Iruka gets a bit of a raw deal when it comes to pairings, and Hana is normally completely neglected.

I'd love some feedback if possible, as I'm very new to writing any sort of romance.


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